Okay I know it’s totally lame for me to talk about the same thing two blog entries in a row but shut up and leave me alone.
Anyway, I was talking to Oliver on IM and I brought up the super nice message the guy on the SFPA yahoo group wrote and the following bit of conversation took place.
Oliver: And yes, that was a cool message.
Oliver: Anyone cool?
Me: no one i recognized but i was going through older posts and it looks like he has something to do with HP Lovecraft’s Magazine of Horror or whatever it’s called
Oliver: Ahh, another DNA mag.
Me: did a search for his name: http://www.locusmag.com/2004/Features/03Wallace_PODEssay.html
Oliver: Sean WAllace?!
Me: …oh dear… is it another person i should know?
Oliver: He’s the managing editor of three DNA publications, including Weird Tales and HPL horror mag.
Me: well… i told you he had something to do with HPL…
See I’m really bad at names. I mean truly, truly horrible. There was an RoF issue a couple of months back that had a bunch of stories that I just loved. But I can’t remember the name of a single author. Suddenly I get the feeling that I’ve talked about this before… In fact I know I have. So I won’t bore you all again. Moving on.
I have a tendency to repeat things. Especially anecdotes. Because I’m aware of the problem what sometimes happens is I’ll tell someone one story 5 times and then casually mention another story that I think I’ve told him, and discover that he has no idea what I’m talking about. Like today.
I updated the Bio on my main website since the old one was short and rather dull… and then I made everyone read my new one even though it’s hella long. Turns out I had never told Oliver about William drowning. I found this rather odd since the car accident and Will’s drowning are two of my favorite stories. Partly because they both involve my old CD burner that was possessed by demons and partly because I’m morbid and like stories that involve near death experiences.
Random Story About the Drowning: When William was on the stretcher about to be placed in the ambulance, he looked up and said to one of the Paramedics, “By the way, the part for your spear gun came in the other day. You can come by the store tomorrow to pick it up.”
I can’t remember exactly what the item was. Either had to do with spear guns or corrective lenses for a mask, but he did completely ignore the fact that he’d almost died in order to let one of our customers/Paramedic know that it had come in. That’s dedication.
Another Random William/Divestore Story: The one thing William is really good at, is spear guns. We carry three types of spear guns in the store: JBL (the cheapest), AB Biller (mid-line) and Riffe (the Jaguar of spear guns, with the price tag to prove it). So this guy comes in to buy a replacement band for his AB Biller ($20 or $30 part), and William talks into buying a brand new Riffe. Not only did he talk him into buying a new gun from the most expensive manufactuer, but he also talked him into the most expensive type of Riffe (teak) and the largest size.
In the two or three years we’ve sold spear guns, William has sold more than half a dozen Riffes (an obscene number considering the small size of our store) and not a single JBL (which again, are the cheapest).
Funny thing is, William doesn’t even own a Riffe.
Another Cute Story Concerning William and Spear Guns: For Christmas one year, before we even bought the dive store, my parents gave William an AB Biller spear gun. He was ecstatic; being a boy he was obsessed with killing things. Oh fine, being an Eastern Carolinian boy he was obsessed with killing things. Anyway, from December to June he could not wait to try it out. Hell, I think he slept with the gun in his bed.
First dive of the summer, William goes down with his brand new spear gun to kill a big ole fish. He sees a grouper, aims, leads a little to allow for movement, and shoots. He connects. The fish swims under a rock. William pulls his spear gun up to grab hold of the line that connects the spear to his gun… and it’s not there.
He’d forgotten to tie the line to his spear. It was still wrapped neatly around his gun while his fish, and his spear, was swimming happily around the deep blue sea.
I don’t remember how long I laughed at him, but I’m sure it was a while. My parents laughed too when he surfaced.
For the next dive William took my mother’s spear gun (whose spear was attached) and went looking for another fish. But lo and behold, William looked under a rock and found his fish, with his spear. He shot it a second time and was able to retrieve both of them. Yay for William.
Random Story about my Father, Spear Fishing, and Barracuda: My mother loves to spear fish, but she doesn’t like dealing with getting the fish off the spear and onto the stringer so she always hands it to my father to do it for her. Well my mother speared a nice size grouper and handed it to my father. He managed to get it off the spear and onto the stringer when he noticed a huge barracuda swimming towards him. Generally barracuda don’t bother divers. They look mean (really mean) but they just kindof sit there and don’t do anything. Well this barracuda swam past my father, close to the stringer, and my father jerked the stringer (with my mother’s prized fish) away from him. The barracuda took another pass and my father realized that he’d rather still have his hand at the end of this encounter so he started to take the fish off the stringer. Well before he got to that part, the barracuda swam up in between his legs and snapped the grouper in half leaving only a twitching head… which my father then took off the stringer and dropped to the ocean floor.
And I just realized that if I ever wanted to convince Oliver to dive, I probably just ruined my chance. Whoops?
Speaking of Spear Guns and Fish with Big Teeth: CBS advertised this made for TV movie called “Spring Break: Shark Attack” and for some strange reason, my mother decided to watch it. Not only was it a completely inaccurate portrayal of shark habits, near the end of the film the lead boy gets shot in the shoulder with a spear gun. Here’s how: The shark knocks against the side of the boat, some equipment falls, including the spear gun, and it goes off.
Spear guns aren’t real guns. They aren’t “loaded”. In order to prepare a spear gun to shoot, you have to pull the bands back, which are so tight that you can really only do it underwater because that’s the only way to get the necessary leverage. Anyone who knows ANYTHING about diving would know that a spear gun just accidentally going off on land is completely ludicrous.
You know what the best job in the world would be? Hollywood’s Diving Expert. I could keep them from making those kinds of mistakes… or hell.. convince them not to make those stupid movies. Although then I wouldn’t have a job. But the world would be a better place. Everything’s a trade off I guess.