over the cliff

My first published Speculative poem, Prince Charming, is online now at Strange Horizons. I will be very sad if you don’t read it, crushed even.

Strange Horizons

I know I know… I’ve been doing lots of lyrics posts lately. But what can I say, I’m obsessed with song lyrics. Well anyway, tonight Oliver and I started talking about music and singers and it eventually led to broadway musicals. So I started dredging up all my favorite songs from musicals like ‘The Miller’s Son’ and ‘You Must Meet My Wife’ from ‘A Little Night Music’ and I also looked up the soundtrack to ‘Kiss of the Spider Woman’ but eventually I came back to the greatest of the Sondheim musicals: Company.

A taste:

It’s not talk of God and the decade ahead that
Allows you to get through the worst.
It’s “I do” and “you don’t” and “nobody said that”
And “who brought the subject up first?”
It’s the little things,
The little things, the little things, the little things.

The little ways you try together,
Cry together,
Lie together,
That make perfect relationships.
Becoming a cliche together,
Growing old and grey together,
Withering away together,
That make marriage a joy.

The Original Cast Recording of ‘The Ladies Who Lunch’ by Elaine Stritch is supposed to be one of the greatest recordings in history. There was a special on HBO, a recording of “Elaine Stritch At Liberty” in which she told stories of being on Broadway and it was the funniest damn thing I’ve ever seen.

Another song that I really like is “Marry Me a Little”

Another taste:

Marry me a little,
Love me just enough.
Cry, but not too often,
Play, but not too rough.
Keep a tender distance
so we’ll both be free.
That’s the way it ought to be.
I’m ready!
Marry me a little,
Do it with a will.
Make a few demands
I’m able to fulfill.
Want me more than others,
Not exclusively.
That’s the way it ought to be.

And I guess that’s enough for now.

I normally HATE songs that reek of politics. I especially hate songs about war, for or against. And yet I LOVE this song by Dispatch. 90% of the reason I like is just the music…. but the lyrics are cool too.

all the men held tall with their
chests in the air, with courage in
their blood and a fire in their stare
it was a gray morning and they all
wondered how they would fare
till the old general told them to go home
He said
I have seen the others
and I have discovered
that this fight is not worth fighting
and I’ve seen their mothers
and I will no other
to follow me where I’m going
SO,
take a shower and shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living
take a shower and shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living
go now you are forgiven

yeah

but the men stood fast with their
guns on their shoulders not knowing
what to do with the contradicting orders
the general said he would do his own
duty but he would extend it no further
the men could go as they pleased

not a man moved, their eyes gazed
straight ahead till one by one they
stepped back and not a word was said
and the old general was left with his
own words echoing in his head
he then prepared to fight

He said
I have seen the others
and I have discovered
that this fight is not worth fighting
and I’ve seen their mothers
and I will no other
to follow me where I’m going
SO,
take a shower and shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living
take a shower and shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living
go now you are forgiven

go now you are forgiven

go now you are forgiven…

I had a neat conversation tonight with Oliver. I won’t go into details, but these are the things I would’ve missed if my wish had been granted last March:

Literary Bootcamp

The jokes about my name…annoying and yet amusing
Oliver, Ada, Jackie, Faisal, etc
I get to call him Scott now… SQUEE!

Spa Day
My grandmother
Acts of Gord
My first Poetry Publication a la Strong Verse
Getting Mikey to Texas
Watching my Side-punch fall in love
Leah’s Wedding
Seeing how girly Oliver can be during horror movies
Bonding with my cousin Allison after the Deb Ball
Codex… scary as it may be
My first Speculative poetry sale ever… and at Strange Horizons… SQUEE!
My first apartment
Demos, even though he’s annoying and is begging to be squished
Submitting a poem to Asimov’s
Various complimentary rejections from Dreams and Nightmares
Acceptance to SIU’s MFA Program
Fluffles
Candace’s upcoming wedding

There’s other stuff too but I’m lazy. It’s just nice to realize that I have more happy moods now than not. 3 cheers for drugs!

Surrealist Compliment Generator

Not that anyone who reads this hasn’t heard already… but I did get into an MFA program. Squee!! SIU was recommended to me by Denise Duhamel whom I adore. It’s also a small program which appeals to me. The only real disadvantage is that it’s in Illinois. Yuck. It’s COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD up there. I do however have family in Carbondale, so it’s not like I’m going to Bumfuck, Nowhere without a support network. I bet my Aunt would let me ride her horse. Horsies… wee! I’m such a girl. Anyway. I still haven’t heard from UNCW, UNCG or VCU. It would almost be easier if I didn’t get in anywhere else. I’d be crushed, but my decision would be made for me. I don’t like making decisions. This is why I applied to Tulane and NOWHERE else. Argh. Anyway. Moving on.

In one week my poem will be on Strange Horizons. Squee!!!

The other day I was trying to figure out what music I wanted to listen to, so I asked two of my friends to start suggesting. Kaoz told me about this group ‘Dispatch’ and a song called ‘Flying Horses’. They’re very… Dave Matthews Bandish. And since I LOVE Dave Matthews Band (though Real Rhapsody doesn’t have access to their music… argh) I was happy. Another song I found accidentally was ‘Streets of Philadelphia’ by Bruce Springsteen. It is… UNBELIEVABLY gorgeous.

I finished the last book in the Anita Blake series. Now I just get to wait impatiently for the next installment. I hate waiting. I hate waiting for acceptances/rejections from magazines, MFA programs, and I hate waiting for books. Right now I’m waiting for: The third book in the Joust Trilogy which is coming out God knows when… The third book in the Outstretched Shadow Trilogy… which is written by the same author as the Joust Trilogy(Mercedes Lackey) and James Mallory. Mercedes Lackey is working on like… fifty million series all at once… so the ones I’M waiting for are delayed by those other damn books. *hiss* I’m also waiting for the second book in the Triad Trilogy…which sounds ridiculously redundant… by Catherine Asaro. And then there’s Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince which is coming out in… July? I think it’s July… and then of course the next Blake book. ARGH!! So many books… I have more books I could read… but I want the books I want when I want them… God give me patience, and give it to me NOW!

Calm. Oh, and Mike Allen (the president of the SF Poetry Association) is having a poetry workshop at SheVaCon next weekend. So tempting. But Roanoke, VA is 5 and a half hours away. And I’d have to get a hotel and blah… just not worth it for one workshop. Tempting though.

Aaaaaaaand… I think that’s it. Toodles.

I don’t think my cat realizes that he belongs to me and not the other way around. If he’s not in my lap, he’s at my feet staring up into my lap and waiting for me to move my arm so he can jump up. Right now his nose is pressed between my hands, resting on the space bar. The only redeeming quality he has is that he purrs constantly. He also trills. For some reason, I love the sound of purring and so I forgive him for being insanely affectionate and cuddly. It’s not that I want him to be standoffish and ignore me. It’s just that when I’m trying to read or type or do something productive he seems to think it’s ‘LOVE ME!’ time.

Dogs love you unconditionally. Cats are supposed to see you for what you really are. That’s why I got a cat. If I wanted clingy adoration I’d get back together with Adam.

That was mean. But it’s Singles Awareness Day so I’m allowed to be mean. Actually it’s 25 minutes past. Whatever.

Random story about a puffer fish:

Once when I was night diving I had my video camera. I chased a puffer fish around and then lost track of it because it was hard to see the viewer of the camera. When I looked up again, the puffer fish was facing me. It darted towards my face and I shrieked.

This was an itsy bitsy teency weency little puffer fish, not even puffed, and I shrieked. Damn thing looked possessed.

So anyway Valentines Day is the dumbest holiday ever. My life would be so much easier if I were just asexual. If I just weren’t interested in men (or women because I know from personal experience that they’re fucking crazy :)). The problem is… I LOVE men. They terrify the begeezus (that’s so not the right spelling but I don’t care) out of me but they’re so yummy to look at. And kissing… kissing is just the greatest thing ever.

But I don’t want a relationship, just like I don’t want a puffer fish. If I chase something and then lose interest, I don’t want to look up and find it darting towards my face. I’ll shriek. And shrieking is so undignified.

I have just finished the 7th book in the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series. For those of you keeping track, that’s seven books in one series in one week.

I’ve noticed that with poetry, if I read a great deal of poetry I have a much easier time writing it. I figure the same is true with fiction, which is why I don’t beat myself up for not writing if I at least read a lot.

I have a point I swear.

I have the voice of these books in my head. I find myself narrating my life. No, that’s not right… but it’s the best I can put it. When I look at people, or consider their actions, I speak them. Normally I think in images, so the sudden narrative is kindof annoying.

Now maybe if these books were really good literature, I’d be happy. But they’re not. They’re trash. I don’t mean that in the Romance novel trash kindof way, though I’ll get to that in a second. I mean it’s just not good prose. Well… I wouldn’t call it necessarily bad prose either. But I think the author got trapped with a good thing. It’s really hard for her to come up with even MORE powerful monsters for Anita to defeat. That being said, I love the character Anita. She’s a sarcastic bitch. She’s great. The mysteries are fun too. All mysteries are fun. They’re a little predictable… I mean it’s pretty obvious that the really bad guy is going to be the innocuous little guy she meets in the first few pages… but it’s all in the reveal. Although, as much as I’m ashamed to admit it… I’m really only reading the series now to see how her love life tangles and then untangles. I never read Romance novels. I mean why not just skip to the chase and look up porn? But at least these books started with a premise I could live with: Fantasy mysteries. And it’s not like I’m skipping to the good parts (which is what I used to do with my Aunt’s stack of romance novels), and it’s not even like the good parts are that racy… well… yet. They’re getting more and more risquГ© as the series progresses. It’s really kindof scary when you can feel your inhibitions lower in the space of seven days.

I have read 6 books in the past 3 days.

I’m exhausted.

EDIT: Make that 8 books in four days.

Still exhausted.

That was the message facing me in my inbox. For the past 5 years or so I have been stalked by WeddingChannel.com. It’s like I’ve joined a cult only no one bothered to brainwash me. Oh yeah, did I mention that it was my idea?

Freshman year of College I was friends with this girl Dixie Plaisance (her mother claims she was named after the actress, we’re thinking it was after the beer) who was QUITE anxiously awaiting a marriage proposal from her boyfriend. Did I mention we were Freshmen? So Dixie, Erin, Katie and I were in Dixie’s room looking at ring designs on adiamondisforever.com trying to pick out the ring that Jared (Dixie’s boyfriend) should buy her. Because hey, men don’t know anything about picking out which ring his girlfriend will love so it really is better for us to pick them out and then conviently e-mail him the acceptable designs. Does kindof take the fun out of the surprise though… Anyway, I have a point.

After we designed her ring, we decided that we should also pick out the perfect dress. So we went to weddingchannel.com. However, in order to look at everything, you had to be signed in. Dixie wouldn’t create an account because she was afraid it’d be bad luck… or something. So I got volunteered for the job. When creating an account though, you have to be engaged. And you had to give a wedding date. I always thought ‘May 21st’ sounded pretty and the next time that was going to be on a Saturday was in 2005. So boom, I had a wedding date and an account and we looked at dresses. Then I forgot all about it, until the e-mails started coming. At first I thought it was kindof funny, but after a while I got irritated and tried to delete my account. IT WOULDN’T LET ME! Honest to goodness I spent a good half hour trying to figure out how in the hell I could get rid out that stupid account. Unfortunately I couldn’t find a “FiancГ© eaten by shark, wedding cancelled” option. Then after a while I got a new e-mail program that blocked the e-mails because it thought they were Spam.

Until this one. 16 weeks. Damn, I have a lot of planning left to do for my non-existent wedding. I wonder what will happen after May 21st. Will it automatically sign me up for Babychannel.com in order to constantly remind me that my biological clock is ticking? How about tips on how to keep a marriage alive? I don’t forsee any problems with mine. I might get mad at myself and say things I don’t mean, but I always make it up to me eventually. Usually with chocolate. I spoil me, but I deserve it.