Archive for the ‘Amusing’ Category
You just can’t make this stuff up.
I’ve seen the TV spot for it a couple of times and thought it was a joke… but it’s not!!!
I want to say that I put this in my blog ages ago, but I couldn’t find it. So I thought I’d post it again.
(1) In the beginning the author read
(2) And the blog entry was without form, and void except for the editing features at the top of the Wordpress ‘Write Post’ page. Which the author found annoying.
(3) And the author said, Let there be things in my day worth writing about! And there were none.
(4) And the author saw that her life was dull and meaningless. And she was sad.
(5) And then the author remembered that she had submitted many poems and needed to check her e-mail and so she saved the post as a draft. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
(6) And the author said Let there be replies, and let them divide the submitted and the trunked.
(7) And the author saw that there were no replies. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
(8) And the author said, let the e-mail program bring forth acceptances, or rejections. But mainly acceptances and it was not so. And the evening and the morning were the third day. Because it apparently took a long time for this author to check her e-mail and respond to its emptiness.
(9) And the author said, let me send out more poems. By snail mail. And she divided her poems into batches as the goddess Joanne Merriam had bade her. And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
(10) And many more days passed.
(11) And the author said, let there be replies now. But there were none. And the evening and the morning were some other day.
(12) So the author suffered in the image of her failure and lonliness; more poems, created she them, and said unto them, be enticing, and good, and replenish my bank account, and bring me prestige and literary acclaim, for you are my greatest work. And then she remembered that they were poems and crossed ‘replenish my bank account’ from the list.
(13) And on the nth day, the author remembered her blog entry and checked her e-mail again but there was nothing and behold, she angsted.
That my site helps people in their question to “detect evil gazebo”. It’s amazing what bizarre search strings will lead people to one site or another. Some other favorites from the past couple of months:
“course nobody go crazy when i’m banging all my boogie” - I actually know where this comes from. It’s part of the lyrics to ‘Bongo Bong’ which I am VERY sad to say, is no longer available on Real Rhapsody. At any rate, I posted the lyrics a while back. Actually quite a few of the searches that leads people to my corner of the universe have to do with that particular blog entry.
“cliff pasta” - Wtf
“psychological deviancies” - Should I feel insulted?
“the great depression dialague” - Nice spelling there anonymous internet browser
“amateur crackwhores” - What do you have to do to turn pro?
“god thinks” - that I am an amateur crackwhore apparently.
The following were taken from an IM conversation in which Oliver and I were discussing the movie Dragonslayer.
RE: Virgin Sacrifices
You know what they really ought to do. They ought to just have someone go around and get all the virgins knocked up. Then they wouldn’t qualify.
“Yeah, sorry, my daughter’s a tramp. Oh well!”
And a little later…
I don’t get to say “The babies ate her” enough.
Both quotes are from Oliver. Bask in his glorious wit.
Sorry Oliver, but Malex has won the ‘best blog entry ever’ contest.